When Family Bums You Out

I am writing this Blog for a friend of my wife and me.

I use to blog on Myspace. I became proficient at it. I wrote over 500 blogs and was lucky enough to have a great many readers. I write to burn nervous energy, express my creative side, and sometimes I try to reach people that have similar life experiences to let them know they are not alone. Sometimes difficult times are easier to endure when you know you are not the only person to travel the road you are so blue on.

Most of my friends know the story of my daughter. When my wife and I got married we were not sure when or if we would try to have kids. After about five years of marriage we got pregnant naturally. I was on cloud nine but just as quickly brought down to Earth a week later when we lost the child. My wife had once told me that some women do not announce they are pregnant until several months into the pregnancy because it is bad luck and makes things exponentially harder when you lose the child. I thought that was silly because getting pregnant is as easy as parking the car in the garage and after backing it back out, return to the garage nine months later and you will be the parent of a brand new Mini. I was wrong, dead wrong. We tried for nearly five years to have a baby. We went to two fertility clinics, took dozens of tests, several shots, lost at least one more baby, cried, doubted ourselves, but never once did we doubt each other.  I had a friend tell me that maybe God did not want us to have a baby. Is God that cruel? Who knows but there are many people that feel that way. My wife always held strong and even after we officially gave up on the baby campaign she randomly decided to try one more time. I had given up hope but she had not. I had not given up on her but I did not want to see her hurt anymore and question her womanhood, I love her too much for that. At one time she had even told me that I should find a women that could give me a child. That is the hardest thing I have ever heard. On October 20, 2008 our daughter was born. That was the best day ever. Her hard work had paid off. I was there and always supportive but the truth still is that women give up everything to have babies. Men have it easy in this department. The friend I am writing this blog for remembered me telling her in a prior Myspace blog how strong I thought my wife was. I still feel that way.

After the baby was born we were surprised at some of the negative things that some family members did. We had some family not show up, we had family tell us that we only wanted a baby because they had had one and we were basically keeping up with the Jones, we had family make us feel guilty (whether they intended to or not) for asking them to do certain things when handing our newborn because they were heavy smokers. All of these things do not matter and we love our family the same. I tell you this because sometimes family lets you down even when your dreams have been met.

The important thing, my friend, is that you love the moment. Even while you struggle to make your dreams a reality you remember the one you are with, the one you love, and will grow gray with. It is him that will be next to you no matter the size of the family that lives in your home. Dig deeper into your marriage and love harder everyday. You may find eventually that this love will help you to laugh at the pettiness that sometimes even our family brings to our doorstep. You know that no matter what the man next to you is there for you and that her married you not your ovaries. Stay strong my friend and know we are here if you need an ear. Know also that you are stronger than you may know. To talk to my wife you would think she is weak. She will tell you every negative thing she thinks she is but at the end of the day she will kill you to protect her family. She is strong and is not aware of it. I think you are too.

On a funny note, when my wife reads this I have to ask her: Okay I never in a million years considered finding another women to have a child with when we struggled but do I still get to keep "Dancing With The Stars" Cheryl Burke on my list? :) Love you babe.