Justin Bieber Is Evil

He is here everyone. He is evil incarnate. He is Justin Bieber. Nostradumbass predicted hundreds of years ago that the end of days would pass when the boy with sissy hair rises to a prominent status in a country known as America. Nostradumbass said he would lure with his sweet voice and heart stealing lyrics. I first learned of this Bieberlicious succubus from my friend Abe Vigoda.

Abe and I were working on a Fruit of the Loom underwear commercial with Michael Jordan. We were in our trailer putting on the new scratch and sniff Fruit of the Loom Sponge Bob thongs we were preparing to model. I was helping Abe adjust his banana hammock (he is 86 years old you filthy animals) when he told me that he and Betty White were gifted with such longevity of life because they were placed on this big blue marble to warn the world of the evil dirty Bieber Revolution and Nostrodumbasses prediction. The commercial went well and Abe's hip did not give. Abe recieved a call from Dancing With the Stars immediately after the shoot. He is a hell of a break dancer. Dance Abe dance. He told me how Justin Beaver would take over the minds of our teenage children and Ozzy Osborne. So you may ask what the evil little bastards plan is and I have the answer. He is here to rid the world of listenable music and ruin the worlds air supply with garlic farts. When his fans listen to his music they get the subliminal message to eat at Quiznos and ask for extra garlic. That damn Quiznos I knew they were up to no good. So don't burn your Quarans, your Bibles, or Archie comic book kids burn your Bieber downloads and beat your child when they sing his music. It is the American thing to do trust me I'm a doctor in my own mind. Godspeed and let me know when you figure out how to torch a download.



You and The God Theory

I will begin by saying a few things about myself. I am a hypocrite. I will write things in this blog that I too am guilty of but I am aware of this about myself. I may not be proud of everything I do and say but for the most part I am pretty self aware of my many short comings. I write not only to express myself but also to exorcise my soul. I write so I may vent and not get myself in trouble or say something I may regret to someone I may care about. I care about people and I do believe in God. My relationship with God is personal and I will not impress my beliefs on anyone else because quite frankly I believe that to be counter intuitive to what faith should bring into ones life. I will only say that I wholeheartedly believe God is a women. I tell you these things because I am going to vent on faith or more specifically people  who interpret faith only to meet their means. So lets get to my venting.


Am I the only person that gets peeved over the surge of people who will often claim to be faithful to God and the teachings of the Bible but are the same ones that judge ruthlessly nearly everything and everyone. Things are tough now and people understandably hold on tighter to faith more than ever but keep your judgement to yourself. Political leaders get me the most. I don't carry which party it is they should not use faith in their bids to gain power. I watch some of these people in their quest to be elected into a position say hateful things and support horrible concepts to tear their opponents apart. Whether you like Obama or not who really gives a damn if he is a Muslim, Christian, Vegetarian, or Librarian. It does not matter. Democrats are just as bad with using faith to scare constituents. In the recent past I have watched and heard people I know well make snide comments about gays, blacks, and less fortunate people. How do you praise at church but talk about how horrible someone else is when you leave your place of worship. It makes me sick. Before you judge ask yourself what your God Theory would think of your actions and what it really says about you. Faith should bring you peace and make you centered not self centered. Trust me I have judged but I try my very best not pick on people that did nothing to me. Trust me friends we all have an ugly side but it never fails to discourage me when the so called faithful are the cruelest ones and they think it is okay because someone somewhere implied to them God said it is okay to be ugly. Need I remind anyone that of all of the faiths in the world none of them have ever been proven to be any more true than Santa Clause. Keep the faith, practice the faith, but do it without the hate. There is far to much hate in this world already.